Help Yourself

posted: 28/05/2009

The nine golden rules of therapy, used by the clinical psychologist Linda Blair, may help everyone figure out better ways to deal with some of life's problems, even without specialist help.

Over the past two-and-a-half years, the wide range of dilemmas Guardian readers sent her, and how clearly they were explained taught the psychologist a great deal. In return, she explains how she tried to solve those dilemmas - using the same methods she employs in face to face counselling.

These nine 'tools' may be useful guides to everyone, or at least get you started on the way to finding a better way. 

This is not a set of instructions that must be followed in strict order from one to nine. We are all unique, and so are the problems we all face. So any "one size fits all" approach to therapy is unlikely to be effective.

Find your own unique way

You can learn a lot from those who are familiar with problems similar to your own, it's true. But the best solutions for you will be the ones you fashion yourself. Do bear this in mind if you ever seek professional help. Wise therapists - those whose help is worthhaving - will seek only to help you find your own way.

So what she gives here are some guidelines - nine of them, to be exact. They are the ones she uses when dealing with the psychological problems that are presented to her. She uses some of these "filters" more often than others, but rarely uses all of them for one problem.

First and Last points are for all

The first and final guidelines are useful for everyone, but it will be up to each of you to decide which of the others seem most useful in your particular circumstances.
 

1   Trust yourself

You know yourself better than anyone else ever can. It's true, of course, that others will know more about the treatments or techniques you might choose to help you sort out your dilemmas. But no one knows more about you than you do.
 

2   Break your problem down into smaller parts

Many people feel overwhelmed and discouraged by the apparent enormity of the difficulties they face. However, if you make a series of small changes, things will start to feel more manageable. Choose to do something that will make a positive difference - however small - in your life quickly, say within one week.

To illustrate how well this works, I often remind my patients of Milo of Kroton, a Greek tale recounted to me by Mary Beard, professor of classics at the University of Cambridge. Milo was famed for his strength, and one of his achievements was that he was able to lift a full-grown bull. He built up his strength by lifting a baby calf every day until it was fully grown. You can solve just about any problem if you simply break it down into small enough steps.
 

3  Clarify your aims

It's difficult to remain motivated to do the hard work involved in making life changes - in fact, I've found it to be impossible - unless you have a clear picture of how you want your life to be when that problem is sorted out. That's why I always ask my patients early on in therapy how they imagine their life will be when they no longer have the problem they've come to see me about.

If they have little or no idea how to answer that question, they're not yet ready for the hard work that lies ahead.
 

4  Consider the role you yourself are playing in maintaining your problem

This is extremely difficult, and to do it you must be very honest with yourself. Try to step back from the situation and ask yourself if there's any way you can behave differently to make things better.

The power of this technique was brought home to me years ago, when an extremely experienced relationship therapist and I were working together with couples who were having severe difficulties. A young woman had come to see us on her own, and spent the entire session complaining bitterly about all manner of faults in her husband. My colleague asked her why he hadn't come along with her, and she replied that it was because "he'd never do such a thing". My colleague's response surprised me: "And why won't you let him?" he asked. This simple but powerful suggestion allowed the unhappy woman to realise that she was inadvertently encouraging her husband to maintain his negativity.
 

5  Seek out role models to inspire you

The most powerful role models in our lives will almost always be our parents or main carers. This is because we depended on them for our very existence when we were young, so we observed carefully and valued hugely everything they did. However, for reasons I don't fully understand, later in life we tend either to behave just as they did, or reject their approach totally. It takes time and effort to examine your attitudes and behaviours in order to adapt what you saw as a child - that is, to make it appropriate to your life as an adult - and few people manage to do this.

Furthermore, even if you do, it's unlikely that your parents would have shown you how to deal with every situation you will encounter, so it's wise to look out for other good role models to inspire you. Therefore, when you're feeling stuck, try to think of someone who's faced a similar situation and handled it well. What can you learn from that example? Don't limit yourself only to people who are "real" or present. Some of my best solutions have been inspired by characters in great novels or individuals who lived long ago.
 

6  Build on the positive rather than only trying to eradicate the negative

When you get rid of a problem or a bad habit, you will be left with free time. If you have not thought about how to fill that time productively, the chances are high that your difficulties will recur. Therefore, when you're formulating a plan to deal with what's troubling you, make sure that at the same time you choose and build up some positive behaviours and new constructive activities. That way you will be busy in fulfilling ways, so the old habits and attitudes will be less likely to regain a foothold.
Learn to forgive

You can't go back in time and change the past, so feelings of regret and guilt are, in my opinion, a waste of energy. Most people handle situations in the only way they know how, or as best they can at the time, so blaming them makes little sense. Instead, use your precious energy to deal with the present.
 

7  Don't expect to find only one answer

Too often, we look for one overarching solution to solve a dilemma. But that will almost never be effective. Far more often, there will be a number of things that you will need to do to sort things out.
 

8  Be prepared for change and expect to encounter problems throughout your life

When you're faced with a problem, do not despair. Whenever you encounter resistance, it's merely proof that you're alive and active, and it probably means your life is an interesting one. Only inanimate objects and the dead remain the same and never face problems. Whatever you try to do to solve your problems will teach you something, whether or not you succeed.

This is adapted from Linda Blair's book Straight Talking. Her next book, The Happy Child: Everything You Need to Know to Raise Enthusiastic, Confident Children, is published in August by Piatkus books
Source

Final Demand – mental health and debt

posted: 27/05/2009

Chris Fitch, a researcher for the Royal College of Psychiatrists, is the author of Final Demand, a booklet written to help health and social care staff, and accompanying resources for to use in support.
He talks here about his background and experience in debt advice with people who are depressed, anxious, or who have other mental health problems, all of which are very common among people living with HIV.
 

How did you get involved in debt and mental health?
Doing field work in 2003, I met people living with "debt and a diagnosis", and not getting help. At the time, I figured there must be a solution, but when there wasn't one, I tried to fill the gap a little.

What is Final Demand about
Final Demand is a pocket guide about debt and health. It shows health and social care workers how to help indebted clients, with the aim of preventing financial or mental health crises. It has been sent to 110,000 GPs, nurses, psychiatrists and social workers.

What is the relationship between debt and mental health problems?
Debt can be stressful, anxious, and downright depressing. Although associated with economic circumstance, debt can trigger major life changes, and individuals often struggle with a toxic cocktail of financial and personal issues. Four million adults could be living with debt and mental health problems. One in eleven British adults are seriously in debt. Half of adults in debt have a mental disorder, while one in four people with mental disorders also have debts.
 

Are you expecting mental health issues to increase in the recession?
Unemployment, repossession, and debt will increase demand for mental health services. As the recession continues, people not used to financial difficulty will increasingly be hit hard mentally. We can stop short-term distress becoming long-term disorders by maintaining existing mental health services, health advice and support for the jobless and indebted, and investing in linking money advice with health services.
 

What should professionals do?
They should consider debt as an underlying cause in stress-related illness, ask simple questions about debt in routine assessment, refer people to an appropriate debt advice service and don't just refer and forget, but support the adviser and the client/patient.
 

How can we improve the situation?
Governments should invest in tackling debt and mental health, as they have with unemployment and mental health. Banks should acknowledge that one in six of their customers have mental health problems, and take this into account when recovering debts.
 

At the Final Demand website you will find

• Final Demand booklet - an online web version
• Final Demand booklet - a pdf version you can download and print
• Tools for workers - Debt and Mental Health Evidence Form
• Getting help

Final Demand is funded by the Financial Services Authority and published by the Royal College of Psychiatrists.

Source

Got a Problem? - Complain Online

posted: 27/05/2009

A new website has been launched for anyone to use to help you make and follow up complaints about most day to day problems. The website, disputer, is a UK secure site which has  sections for complaints about home, travel, public services, and personal complaints (eg employment). They describe disputer as 'the simple way to handle and resolve your complaints.'

Home covers water, gas, electricity, broadband, cable, satellite, mobiles, repairs, tenancy;

Public Services covers local government, benefits, NHS, housing associations, police;

Travel covers airlines, cars, insurance, trains, travel agents, hotels, buses, holidays, parking;

Personal Disputes and Complaints covers i am owed money, personal disputes, business disputes, neighbourhood, employment.

The website is very new and some of the sections are not yet working.

Disputer - 3 steps to satisfaction

1. free registration - enter your complaint details at no charge into our automated case builder and send off to the organisation in question.
2. No charge recommendations - disputer will automatically recommend when you need to escalate your case, and knows the best complaints procedure.
3. get the justice you deserve - reach a resolution to your complaint, or send an e-file of your complete case to the regulatory body at no cost.

There is a section for you to learn how to make disputer work for you.
 

It has top complaining tips and a disputer community.

If you need advice about a specific consumer rights issue or any other legal issues, you can ask Which? legal services.

The site includes Lisa, a virtual consumer rights advisor, to assist you in understanding your consumer rights.

 Disputer