27 Years Living with HIV

posted: 08/03/2011

A Nottingham man diagnosed with HIV more than 25 years ago when he was 14, talks to his local paper about his life. He tells us about sex, relationships, and how talking openly about HIV with partners and others has helped change his life.

Matt Gregory is now a HIV health and treatment worker with Terrence Higgins Trust in Nottingham. He said: "To see the relief on someone's face when the HIV test comes back as negative is a great experience. If some people do test positive it's good they know as it gives them choices. I would rather know I am positive than be kept in the dark. I have choices about treatment, lifestyle and sexual partners."

Read and find inspiration in Matt's story of living with HIV.

Positive Speakers from George House Trust

Talking and Telling about HIV

posted: 28/02/2011

There’s a lot of fuss made about how important it is for gay and bi men diagnosed with HIV to tell their sexual partners about HIV, before any sex takes place – which is known as ‘disclosure’.

Telling people whether or not you have an STI / HIV is your choice.

We think it is smarter if every  person in the UK were to talk about HIV and discuss their and partners’ HIV and STI status and risks before sex. But telling others about having HIV is always a choice.

One-sided talking

One major problem is that undiagnosed people, including gay and bi men, rarely ever talk about their own HIV status, but instead expect diagnosed people to always reveal their HIV status.

Some undiagnosed men then decide not to have sex, or decide on less risky sex after the partner says they have HIV.

Conference debates

George House Trust has critically examined the evidence for and against relying on being told HIV status as a way of avoiding getting HIV. Chris Morley, George House Trust's HIV policy expert, issued a challenge to gay men's HIV prevention workers when he gave a detailed presentation at the CHAPS conference last week for England's sexual health and HIV prevention organisations.

The challenge is to tell undiagnosed men that relying on being told by people with HIV is a seriously flawed way to try to avoid HIV. The HIV risk run by men expecting disclosure is simply too high. The challenge was also to help undiagnosed men be more respectful to anyone who does disclose having HIV. Some disclosing men with HIV are then shamed, abused, rejected, or worse.

Talking about HIV happens very unevenly and the expectations of disclosure put an unbalanced burden on people with HIV.

Dysfunctional Disclosure

The far bigger problem however, is that relying on being told, and being told accurately, is a highly risky way to manage anyone's HIV risks.

Only men diagnosed with HIV have HIV status information that is at all reliable.

Depending on men to tell you they have HIV puts you at a big HIV risk. Disclosure doesn't work at all well as a way of staying HIV negative. 

• 1 in 3 gay and bi men have never had a HIV tested - so untested, can't tell anyone anything useful about their own HIV status
• Men who have been tested usually only have information that is past its sell-by date
• Many men have had condomless anal sex since they had their last negative HIV test. An MOT certificate saying your car was roadworthy is no guarantee of future safety after you have had a crash. In the same way, a negative HIV test result becomes worthless once you have had unprotected sex.
• The only dependable information is from men who have been diagnosed with HIV to tell you this; but not all diagnosed men disclose in all situations; for example disclosure by diagnosed HIV+ men is less common in gay saunas and clubs.

George House Trust is also making a second presentation, about cuts in legal advice and representation for people with HIV. 

HIV Legal Advice Services
Among the hundreds of cuts, one cut would remove most legal aid for advice and representation at courts and tribunals. £450 million is to be slashed from budgets for advice, such as provided by Citizens Advice, Manchester Advice, Law Centres and other organisations, for immigration and asylum, welfare benefits, housing, employment and most discrimination cases.
 

This will affect millions of people a year, and you can tell things will become really bad, because even the Judges’ Council has gone public with its objections.

HIV Talking and Telling - George House Trust discussion for CHAPS-14 conference, Manchester  

HIV Advice Services - George House Trust discussion for CHAPS-14 Conference, Manchester

CHAPS-14 Conference, Manchester, March 9-11th

Image - Let's Talk HIV - Swedish language HIV site
 

HIV Status Talking

posted: 01/11/2010

Figures suggest that one in seven gay men on the scene in big cities has HIV, and that among men in their 30s and 40s, perhaps 1 in 3 men have HIV. Shocked? Many gay guys act like the risks aren't there and don’t seem worried. Almost half the gay men having casual sex never talk about HIV status with their partners.

Telling confidence 

Telling partners about having HIV is connected with how confident we feel. "It depends on how someone disclosing their status was taken in the past," Sona Barbosa of GMFA explains. "Some people have had really good feedback and they feel more confident saying, 'I'm HIV positive.' But those who've had negative feedback feel more reluctant to disclose."
 

Negative silence

HIV-negative men find talking about their own HIV status hard to talk about, as the men worry that being open about HIV will frighten off their shag. "People think, 'If I talk too much, I won't be accepted. If I broach the subject of being safe, I may lose the person: and so they find it's better not to talk, and not to risk losing the opportunity.'

But why take the risks (by not talking about your HIV status and not using condoms), putting your health on the line, and then face all the worries that follow taking those risks?
 

"This is such a cliché, but it's better to be safe than sorry;' says Peter Stevens, agony uncle for QX, the gay lifestyle magazine. "Lots of people are honest, but some guys lie about their status, and others might not even know they're HIV-positive.

So, if you can't be certain of someone's status, be aware of the ways the HIV virus can be transmitted, and make sure you're confident enough to ensure you both practise safer sex.”
 

The latest issue of FS for NW England for gay and bi men from gmfa includes articles on

• being more confident in talking about sex
• sex, drugs and smoking and breaking our bad habits now
• the 6 stupidest sex questions ever
• the FS problem page

Disclosure Workshop - Telling Others

posted: 24/06/2010

Come along and take part in this interactive workshop about the who, why, when and how of telling people about your HIV status. The evening will be an opportunity to learn from other people’s experiences of disclosure - and to share what you’ve learned from telling others about having HIV.

• Who should I disclose to?
• When should I tell?
• Why should I tell?
• How should I tell others?
• Where is a good place to tell?
• What are the advantages and disadvantges? 

This interactive workshop will be led by Colin Armstead and Daniel Murphy, both Service and Development Managers at George House Trust.

Wednesday July 7
5.30pm (for light refreshments) to 8pm

There will be NO CRÈCHE at this workshop.

TRAVEL EXPENSES will be available to people who qualify.

This Disclosure Workshop is for ALL George House Trust service users.

For more information please email Colin or Daniel - or ring Colin or Daniel on 0161 274 4499

Gay and Positive in 2010

posted: 07/01/2010

What’s it like to be a gay man with HIV in 2010? George (29), Leo (21), Tim (45), James (25), Jezz (37) and Ben (29) all talk about the ups and downs of being positive and gay in the latest issue of FS, gmfa’s magazine for NW England. Find out what they thought about HIV-positive guys before they were diagnosed, what it’s like being HIV-positive on the gay scene and their advice for HIV-negative guys.

And in the same issue 23 year old Adam talks about My Life – he’s positive too.
 

Problem Page - how to react when a positive guy tells you 

Sort It Out - the problem page – tackles how to react when a guy you’re about to shag with tells you he’s positive. Positive guys know from experience that half the time undiagnosed men make a mess of this – so here’s advice from readers and a counsellor on how not to embarrass the hell out of yourself with positive guys who trust you enough to tell you this.
 

Life Tips

There’s life tips in Change for Good – how to make those New Year resolutions stick and live the life you want.
 

Download the latest FS for NW England here and scroll down for back issues (and for other English regions) here - It's intended for adults - gay men.